Memorial Day 2010
Welcome to the Memorial Day float 2010, we hope this years float will be better than last year when over half the flotillia wussed out because of a little rain. Real Flotilla members float at all costs. This year looks like it will be a good one, high water makes for a speedy trip so drink fast and hard. It may even be a good Idea to pre-medicate whilst waiting for the late comers. This year we are going to try something new with two santioned floats both at 1:00PM on Saturday and Sunday. You will get points for both. The river is going to be very crowded this year, so if you are renting tubes make sure you go early. We scheduled the float for 1:00 so maybe we can get in the river at 2:00PM. We are getting in at the same place, the Wurstfest grounds, if you get lost don’t call me, stop and ask someone.
We have a few changes in the rank and file officers this year. Vice Float Master Richie the second in command has been demoted, the following is his excuse for missing this years float yet again:
Dear Float Master,
I was volunteering downtown at the homeless shelter when I noticed two orphaned children playing on the train tracks. Had I not been able to complete the CPR I was performing on a elderly lady who choked on her sweet potatoes, I might not have gotten to them in time. I heard the train and ran toward the unsuspecting youth. I dove just in time to save them from death, tossing them both into a pile of winning lottery tickets. I reached back to retrieve the little girls kitty, only to drop my bible in the process. Reaching for it’ my Lance Armstrong bracelet hooked on the train axle and dragged me for around 50 yards. It was silicon of course, and recoiled me airborne onto a mugger knocking him unconscious, and unexpectedly rescuing Jessica Alba who was in Bryan and carrying a fair amount of cash on her person for a Pheobe’s home fundraiser. She thanked me and also donated $1000 to the Boys Club in my name. You can here about it on E! next week. Seacrest plays me in a dramatization.
Apparently he sprained an ankle or some other small bone while carrying out these multiple rescues. Although his excuse is admirable, it falls short in the eyes of the Float Master. Mr Hale has been demoted to number 2 VFM and Mr. Benson is now number one. Always remember the number one rule of the Flotilla. In absence of the word from the FM, the VFM is the law and cannot be challenged.
We have some disturbing news from our government affairs committee out of Washington D.C. it seems Mr. Obama wants to declare himself Float Master after seeing a picture of the Comal River on our web site. The legal department is currently looking into filing charges against his administration and a cease and desist order has been filed.
Short on time today so I will include my other articles in the post float wrap up next week.
May the float be with you
Float Master.