The New Braunfels Floatilla

To all you connoisseurs of riparian frivolity, we are ready to FLOAT!

Oh say can you see… that the Troop Float is here? 

To all float soldiers let this email serve as notice you have been activated for the 4^th of July Independence Day Troop Float.  Please report to Landa Falls with your gear at 1:00 PM Sunday July 2^nd.  Be on notice that you will be required to wear your red white and blue and or your camouflage uniforms.  Tube decorating is optional but highly recommended your active participation is being graded.  If you do not report for duty by 1:00 PM you will be court-martialed and a naked picture of Ted Kennedy will be tattooed on your neck.

All the old rules apply like no whining and no glass or Styrofoam, but a few new ones have been created because of Ken “Craw-Fish” Valentine, don’t bring the little plastic cups for Jello shots (use the paper Dixie cups) and leave you beer bong and river jam box at home. 

This is going to be a very crowded weekend with Guadalupe floaters being shuttled to the Comal.  It would be a very good idea to get your tubes a few hours before float off.  That is not a request but an order!  We will have shirts available to purchase, we have a few left of the original NBF grays and several of our new More Beer More River shirts.  Remember you are never truly a part of the float unless you are sporting Float Like Locals gear.

Make sure you read Major Dr. Karin Hawkins letter posted below this one.  She has been in the big litter box over there for just over a month and has a great attitude and pride in what she is doing over there.  Captain James “Squivel” Esquivel just got back last month after a year and a half in Afshitistan.  He will be here with us for the first time in a long time so rub his head and tell him you are glad to have him back.  Captain Dan also just returned from the litter box, but will be unavailable for floating, he will be here the weekend of the 7^th so make plans to go to the piano bar and toss back a few with him before he goes back on the 12^th.  Kelly has a new toy soldier and is getting as much play as she can from him before he has to go over in August.  Everyone say hello to Martin “7” Franz (no relation to any Franz you may or may not know.)

As Devon would say, the float is at one and one is the time of the float, if you are wondering when the float is, think of one and wONEder no more.

Yours in the bond of the tube,

The Float Master.

Hi there!
 

Just a quick hello to remind you that although temporarily in another galaxy (or so it feels to me sometimes), I am still alive and well… J
 

I have been deployed for a little over a month, and quite honestly, the number one thing I would say is that it is not bad at all and really pretty amazing sometimes… of course, I miss and love home, and of course I will be so happy to return to it… but right now I am proud to be part of the mission here and so thankful to be able to bring some of the bravest and best home to heal….
 

The news… we are flying once or twice a week back to Germany or around Iraq… our patients are usually critically wounded soldiers, but sometimes we end up taking civilian contractors that have heart attacks and pneumonia and such… I find the flights themselves exciting although a little exhausting… sometimes they run so smoothly that the most stressful part of it is making sure that all the paperwork has all been completed… but sometimes these kids try to die on us, and it’s a memorable moment when you are thousands of feet in the air with no code team and no back up… we have gotten them all safely to Germany, and I know with our angels and with good preparation we can keep it that way…
 

The folks fighting here on the front lines are an unbelievably brave and committed crowd with the strength and faith to move mountains… sometimes I find myself brought to tears… two stories that I have to tell… one 20 year old Marine who spent over fourteen hours in the operating room in Balad getting put back together (he will make a full recovery, by the way) woke up on the ventilator and was together enough to make motions that he wanted a pad and pencil… the first thing he wrote was “I want to go back to my unit”… and the second thing was “how are my buddies… was I the only one injured”… another 21 year old Army soldier from Ft Hood woke up as we were dropping him off in Germany (lost both legs and had blast lung injury)… I leaned over his bed and told him gently that he was safe in Germany and we were leaving now to go back to Iraq… he took our hands and held them to his cheek as if to say thank you… he was well aware of the injuries he had sustained and what he faced in his recovery and still said thank you…
 

It’s very inspiring… it can be tragic, too, but even in the face of tragedy these young kids don’t flinch… there are so many anonymous heroes out here… I wish the next generation of kids back home could see them out here and what they go through… please keep them all in your best thoughts and prayers…
 

Being in Balad is not bad… I really have fun hanging out with the other CCATT  teams… there are movies and card games and just hanging out chitchatting… we keep each other entertained… three of us are doing a biathlon in a few weeks and have been keeping each other motivated about working out…  I have found myself a little pastime for our off days as well… I got credentialed in the hospital in Balad and have been working the twelve hour ICU doc shifts every few days… that’s been very rewarding, and most importantly, I GET TO GET BACK IN SCRUBS…
 

I have been pretty worn out by the time we land in Germany, so thus far I haven’t really done much traveling there other than out to dinner and around the base (the Langstuhl BX and commissary have become our little oasis for stocking up for the desert)… but we had quite an adventure a few weeks ago… on the way back from a mission our plane broke down during a refuel IN CRETE… that’s right… it turned out my “tropical vacation” joke for a day and a half was a reality… we ate in restaurants along the Mediterranean, shopped our credit card limits out, and soaked up the scenery of blue water and white sand…
 

And I think we will be able to do some sightseeing around Germany once we get a few more missions under our belts… I would like to see Heidelberg and some of the nearby castles… will be sure to take some pictures for next month’s newsletter…
 

I appreciate the emails and snail mail and news from home so much… I send my very best to all of you and hope you are enjoying the summer…
 

Love,
Karin

Colored Disks of Jiggling Death. That’s how I would describe the memorial Jell-O shots. In all my years of I have never witnessed or experienced a Jell-O shot that would actually fool your gag reflex into thinking you’ve been up for 36 hours drinking syrup of ipecac and eating Indian food. There was so much ever-clear in the red ones I don’t know how the hell they even congealed, they must have use Clydesdale hooves in the recipe. The peach C.D.J.D’s tasted like Whitney Houston’s arm-pits after a hard weekend of hittin the pipe with Bobby and dancing the chicken dance to Mariachi music. The green devils kicked harder than a Chuck Norris heel kick to your crotchal region. A few of the rookie floaties ended up having a few too many and ended up writhering around burping up food but all and all there was very little damage done, but we have a new rule, Kelly and Mary are excused from Jell-O duty unless they get mixing lessons for a Chillis bartender. Let’s give them an A-.

Remember when we changed the time from 2:00 PM to 1:00 PM, and we sent out email after email, posted the time on Devon’s “myspace” called CNN and Fox News and had them report it to the national media? No? Well either does VFM Chris’s Austin contingent. Once again we waited around for the cubical dwellers and once again they were late, they even made Chris late by putting holes in his tubes so he would be late. (That’s the story he gave me anyway). Fran came in special from Uzbekistan or where-ever the hell he’s from and he was there early. Zuul (there is no Dana, only Zuul) made it to town and the river by 12:30 I even gave him tube and ice chest loading duty. We also need to give anti-kudos to Rick the brick Purdy for not even making it to the float. I said he was spending time with his FAMILY, can you believe that crap?

The river was ate up with tourists this year. I could walk from Hinman to the chute on top of stupid people. I love yelling snake when its really crowded with Houston chicks, and somebody for the love of the lord please tell the “20 somethings” that arm barbwire tats and tramp-stamps aren’t cutting edge anymore. I’ve never seen so much wasted ink since I wrote my senior thesis in psych class. Face it tattoo craze has passed you bye, you missed it, think of something else to set you apart from the crowd like not listening to rap music and talking like ghetto boyzzzzzz & gurlzzzzz. There is nothing the float master hates more than bunch of Anglo-Saxons from “Texas State” listening to Snoop Dog and calling each other “Nigga”. As a matter of fact it is now a city ordinance that we are allowed to drag your ass out of the river and cave your head in with a flat river stone….I know I know, but I didn’t write it, but it’s the law.

Let’s move on the some quick float updates and news in the world which is mine to command:

It is looking like the Float Master and Dave “Scoop” Ferguson may have our own show on KGNB/KNBT (92.1 FM 1420. AM) not sure which yet but tune in July and listen to our profound wisdom on how we think the world should be run. The Freedom Float is fast approaching so secure you tubes and beer early; red white and blue will be the colors of the day. Check back for more details.

Matt “I like having babies” Kyle and Kelly the “Peanut Heiress” Nicholson, are next on the big over the hill chopping block. I would tell you about the parties, but I’m sure a lot of you aren’t invited.

Captain James “Taliban Killer” Esquivel is back in the states and should be returning home to Austin in the next week or so. Tiffany is already trying to get him to enlist in the Navy so he will have to ship out again where he can’t spend any money and she gets to buy new vehicles. I have also noticed her yard man Nos Moking Sr. has been spending a lot of time at the house as well. Enough for now my little flotsam and jetsam. Remember…..The float will be with you……always.